What I actually am

Posted on May 18, 2012 by patty

There are countless memes out there showing “what people think I am, what my parents like I am,” etc. As a writer, I find that we’re subject to public opinion even more than most. The reason? We bring it on ourselves! Come on, we write stuff and put out there for people to enjoy/hate/judge/feel generally indifferent towards, and then wait.

It’s agonizing.

When I first send a manuscript out, I feel like a superstar. I’m competent, I’m creative, I’m productive and gosh darn it, people like me. Then, when I get a rejection, there is moment where I think, “Am I as good as I think I am?”

Go ahead and laugh! Rejection will make you question yourself.

I got a rejection yesterday, and before you feel sorry for me, it had a very silver lining. This was a book I wrote exclusively for an agent. She wasn’t interested after all, which was disappointing, because I would like to get an agent one of these days, however, it also freed up a manuscript that I like a lot! I get to submit this one to another publisher I’ve had my eye on. And the bottom line? I still really like this manuscript, whether the agent was crazy about it or not.

BAM. Superstar runner again.

Don’t let the chance of rejection keep you from putting your work out there. Chances are, I’m way cooler in my head than I am in real life, and that’s okay. It makes my internal life more fun. ;)

(Are you cooler in your head than in reality? So is Amber. We’re in good company.)

 

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Pantsters…. they exist!

Posted on May 17, 2012 by patty

I never believed it. I thought it was like the Loch Ness Monster, a story of yore, exaggerated to mythic proportions… but it isn’t. There are actually people who sit down and write books without an outline.Think quills. Think pads of paper. Think thoughtful evenings on stormy nights…

I did not believe they truly existed.

For the longest time, I thought it was impossible to finish a book without an outlined plan. I suppose, I should change my stance to, it’s impossible for ME to finish a book without an outlined plan. But after chatting with a great group of authors at Desert Breeze, I have a whole new delightful perspective. There are three kinds of writers:

Plotters: who plot out everything that will happen in their book from the get go.

Pantsters: who fly by the seat of their pants and just start writing. (A good example of a writer who does this blogs about it here. She calls it anarchy. ;) )

And something in between the two… Plotsters? These are the people who plot the main plot kernels and let the rest evolve as they write. I found a good article on this here, if you’re interested. (Although he does seem a little anti-panster, you’ll get the idea of how it works, at least.)

Truth be told, while I do make a chapter outlines that cover each chapter in the book, I do leave a lot of “evolving space” in my outlines. I find things develop more organically that way, so I’m probably on a continuum between a Plotter and a Plotster. I’m also not opposed to “replotting” things when they just aren’t working. I still feel I should extend a heartfelt apology to the Pantsters, though.

I didn’t know you were out there…

 

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A baby in my heart

Posted on May 16, 2012 by patty

I normally keep things pretty light in this blog, but I had a dream, and it’s staying with me. When I was little, I could go crawl in my mom and dad’s bed, cuddle up until the memory of a bad dream evaporated. As an adult, there is not bigger bed to crawl into.

I dreamed of a baby girl. She was about three months old, (but a full term three months, not a preemie three months like my son was) and she was gorgeous. She lay next to me on my bed, sleeping peacefully. She was swaddled. I never did swaddle my son, but this little one liked it. Her name was Emily and she was mine. It wasn’t the sort of dream where I thought, “Where did this baby come from? Must be mine…” I knew it. I felt it. She was my daughter and I felt the link palpably.

I could hear my husband and son in the living room playing together, and I lay on my bed, smelling the sweet baby scent of her head. I was dozing, and someone came in and picked her up and went to leave.

“Give Emily back!” I demanded.

It was my mom and she said, “I’m sorry, sweetie.” And she put the baby back in my arms. I pulled her close against me and the panic of her loss subsided. I listened to her breathe, I inhaled the sweet, milky scent of my daughter, her tummy full.

Then I woke up, and my arms were empty. I don’t have a baby girl, and I never will. I haven’t lost a pregnancy that I was sure about, as many other mothers have. I simply can’t have more children, and I realized as I lay there in my bed, my arms still aching for baby Emily, that there is a baby girl in my heart who will never be born.

It’s a strange thing to mourn a dream, but I am. She was so, so real.

 

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Seven Years!

Posted on May 15, 2012 by patty

Seven years ago today, on a chilly but sunny Sunday morning, I married my husband. I remember standing there in front of the minister thinking, “What if he doesn’t say I do?” I’ve always been a little fatalistic, and I suppose my wedding day was no different. To my relief and joy, he didn’t miss a beat when he vowed to be mine, to have and to hold, and we’ve never looked back.

Now, doing an anniversary post is awkward when your husband downright refuses to have his pictures put online, so you’ll get to see what I looked like on my wedding day. This is before the ceremony (which took place in my parents’ living room) when my stomach was in knots and the minutes were crawling by so agonizingly slowly.

My favorite memory from my wedding ceremony was the bridal march. They forgot the music, so everyone had to hum “Here Comes the Bride.” I loved it! It also taught me that sometimes the most precious memories from a day are the ones where something went wrong.

Now, my husband doesn’t like being online, but I think this picture of a picture that sits on our dresser will be distanced and blurry enough to pass muster. This is a kiss, one of many,many, many kisses we’ve shared.

I just have to say, I love this man. I’d live in a cardboard box with him. He’s my soul mate, and I’ve never in my life loved a man as deeply as I love him. He was both my leap of faith and my gentle landing.

Here’s to wrinkles, more gray, osteoporosis, vacations, quiet evenings and all the other things in life I plan to share with this man. Every year really does get sweeter with him.

*****

And because a friend of mine asked for more pictures, I picked out a few more that discretely hide my handsome hubby’s face… ;)

Here we all are waiting for the minister to be ready. We were laughing about something, I can’t remember what.

This is THE kiss!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These aren’t great quality–pictures of pictures from my scrapbook… but you get the idea. :)

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Mom Jeans

Posted on May 14, 2012 by patty

Friday, we celebrated Mother’s Day early because my husband was working the weekend. So while my two guys made me brunch, I zipped by Winner’s to see if I could find a new pair of jeans.

First of all, in true Winner’s fashion, I grabbed like 14 different pairs of jeans and pants to see what fit and what didn’t. It’s been a while, and I no longer have that automatic sense of where I am, size wise. In the process of trying them all on, I came to a very unsettling realization…

I like Mom Jeans.

I kid you not. They’re so comfy with those high waists, 10 inch zippers and elastic material. Oh, the comfort! I look just like my did when she wore them twenty years ago, and for the first time I totally get it. They are the coziest, comfiest pants ever. But the fact remains… they’re mom jeans! Do you remember that old SNL skit with the tagline, “Give her something that says, I’m not a woman anymore, I’m a mom!”? Well, I was tempted (really, really tempted, standing in front of a mirror thinking, if I wore a longer shirt, maybe??), but I didn’t give in. I’m still holding onto the fantasy that at nearly 34, the mother of a preschooler, I’m still cool.

So instead of giving into the whispering lure of the mom jeans, I bought myself a skirt instead. Total comfort, loose top that doesn’t press into my stomach… It’s my compromise that lets me avoid total mom fashion, while still maintaining some comfort.

And just to keep my cool factor from shooting through the roof, I’m wearing socks.

 

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Mother’s Day Crafts 2

Posted on May 13, 2012 by patty

This mother’s day, I got just what I wanted! Kid Love in the form of crafts. Sigh… This did my motherly heart good.

Junior wrote me a Mother’s Day letter, with a little help from his daddy on spelling. He gave it to me with such pride, curled up next to me, then read me his handy work. He insisted on having a stamp on the envelop, and my husband had to convince him that putting it in the mailbox outside might not be the best idea…

And at the library they read stories about mothers and made hand prints.

Goopy crafts, hand prints, wobbly letters–the things that make me feel a little misty. But the best part? I was laying on the floor next to the faux fireplace, and Junior came up and kissed my forehead. “I love you, too, Mommy.” (Whenever he declares his love for his mommy, he always hears the silent “I love you,” first.)

Then he declared that the bunny was a cat named Gilbert, attempted to nab his father’s iPad and curled up inside an apple box, pretending to hide Hardy Boys’ style.

Oh, how I love this boy. Heart and soul.

 

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For my mom

Posted on May 11, 2012 by patty

I’m doing this a couple of days before Mother’s Day, because with all the Mother’s Day things out there, I don’t want my mom to get lost in the shuffle. A lot of people are doing posts about their moms, including the Cuffe sisters. They have quite the way with words. But this year, for Mother’s Day, I wanted to introduce you to my mom.

My mom is a feisty little French Canadian who taught me what it meant to be a woman.She’s about 5’2″, but she swears she’s a half inch taller. She does everything at a quick march and she has a laugh that fills a room, especially when she’s laughing at something silly she’s done herself.

This is a picture of my mom with her parents on the day she married my dad. Her mother was just like her–tiny, fiery and a heart of gold. In fact, to this day, she says I say things the way her mother used to. It’s funny how heredity works.

Here she is with me as a little baby. I think I must have been baptized that day, judging by the dress. She says I was her “hip baby,” never letting her put me down. She had to start reading parenting books from day one with me. Apparently, I had a strong personality. ;)

This is us together when I was in my early twenties. We still look a lot alike, and as the years go by, I look more and more like my mother. And thank God for that, she’s aging beautifully! As a mom, I find her words popping out my mouth in a regular basis.

This is when I became a mother. At 3 and a half months pregnant, this is as pretty as it got. Trust me, the pregnancy pics got steadily less attractive, but I was bed rested and sick, so I have plenty of excuse. My mother was my constant support, on the phone with me while I spent week upon week in the hospital. I don’t know how I would have done it without her. She encouraged me, prayed for me and told me how certain she was that God would finish this thing He’d started. I clung to that, because the doctors weren’t so certain.

When my son was born, I joined ranks with my mother as a mother, too. All of her worries and lectures make a whole lot more sense, all of a sudden. My four pound baby was like my heart beating outside of my body. I adore him. Deeply. Endlessly.

And here is where my mom held my son, the next generation. I’m so grateful for my mother, for all she is to me and all she still does for me. She talks to my son early in the morning when he calls her to say hi to his Nana. She takes my random calls to say hi, even if she has someone in her office, and she makes me feel like I’m more important than anyone else in the world. Still.

My mom is the reason I am the woman I am, as a mom, as a wife, as woman. So Mom, on this Mother’s Day, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, how thankful I am for you being the woman you are, and how proud I am to be your daughter. I love you!

 

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Public Opinion

Posted on May 11, 2012 by patty

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. It didn’t always seem like the logical thing to do, and it did meet with a lot of those cool smiles where people say, “Oh, well isn’t that nice?” It’s the sort of thing that isn’t very well understood. Everyone has a different idea of what a writer is or does, and everyone reacts differently to their mental image.

As a result, I have a soft place in my heart for aspiring writers, people who have always longed to write a book but never quite did because they believed those cool smiles and noncommital comments. A dream is sad thing to let die because someone else had an opinion.

Rejections happen, just ask Maria. But so do acceptances!

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A Sneak Peek

Posted on May 10, 2012 by patty

The last few days, I’ve been writing like a madwoman. My current work in progress is an Inspirational romance, and it’s coming together beautifully. One of my minor characters is getting interesting. She’s my hero’s mother, Mildred. I’d don’t want to give away too much, but I thought I’d share a couple of paragraphs with you.

After picking up a few more items, Mildred went to the changing room. The lights were garish, making her feel like every roll of fat was under the microscope. Did she need to lose weight? Vivianne was tall and thin. She was short and… dumpy? She used to feel dumpy, but lately she’d been feeling something else–curvy, alluring.

As she slid into the first dress, she smiled to herself as she squeezed the zipper up the back. Her ample bust line pushed out the top of the dress, something that would have embarrassed her in the past. Not now. She quickly learned what got her husband’s attention these days, and it was cleavage. Well, she had plenty of her own, and she was here to remind him of that.

…

She pulled the dress off and stared at herself in the mirror for a long moment. She was plump, her body sagging with age. It happened to the best. Age snuck up on you and before you knew it, you got flaps when you raised your arms and a bra became more than a fashion necessity, but a thing to save your life. Was she beautiful still? Her body still bore the stretch marks from four pregnancies, her belly sagged a little. The new lacy bra she’d bought for $145 dollars was worth every cent, however. It took those girls and boosted them right up to where they used to be. Take that, Mike. He could both pay for it and eat his heart out.

And then further along in the story:

She sighed, glancing away from her husband and son, and as she did, her eye lit on the woman in the car in front of the restaurant. Her faux-red hair glowed in the afternoon sunlight from her seat in the driver’s seat of a cherry red convertible.

“So you bought her a car…” She murmured softly.

Vivianne checked her lipstick in the rearview mirror. She glanced around quickly, then sniffed at her armpits. Mildred chuckled softly to herself.

“Even you stink when it’s hot, Viv,” she muttered.

Taking another bite of her yogurt, she watched as her husband came out of the restaurant and bee lined directly for the car. Sliding into the seat, Vivianne leaned over to kiss him. He looked annoyed and brushed her off.

Mildred felt her smile spread. “So the honeymoon is ending.”

It was good to know.

The red convertible drove away and she took another bite of yogurt.

*****

I’m beginning to really like Mildred.

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Sweet and Inspirational Romance

Posted on May 9, 2012 by patty

Today, I want to give you  a taste of the sorts of novels that are either Inspirational (Christian) or a sweet rating (which means that romance is appropriate for all audiences. Definitely PG.) I’m focusing on Desert Breeze books because they are the publishers of my newest book, and I think they’re fantastic.  I have a few here for you to browse through. And yes, I have squeezed my own book in there… Can you blame me? ;)

Renegade Hearts by Anne Patrick

Single mother Jenny Holloway has her hands full running a 1200-acre ranch, and keeping her daredevil son out of the emergency room. So when her foreman suggests she hire on his son Gil Montgomery, who just got home from the war, Jenny jumps at the opportunity of having another skilled cowboy around. But Gil is much more than she bargained for.

 

 

Fire and Ash by Anne Patrick

Fire Investigator Sadie McGregor is called to her hometown of Emerald Point, Missouri to investigate a suspicious fire which claimed the life of a local college student. By appearance the fire looks accidental. What Sadie and the handsome new police chief discover will not only affect those close to them, but will rock the entire community and may cost one of them their life.

 

 

Breaking Point by Delores Goodrick Beggs (Due out May 11, 2012)

Sisters are forever, right? Mauranie Wells dreams of a New Mexico horse ranch. But her younger sister, Tennyson, craves bright lights and excitement of town.  When Texan banker, Stemson Arroyo Smith rides into Wells Double Bar one day, things swiftly approach the breaking point.

 

 

Burning Hearts by Nike Chillemi

Erica Brogna’s parents doted on her and taught her to think for herself. So many young men she grew up with fell in the war, shaking her childhood faith. In rides a handsome stranger, at the hour of her desperate need.

Lorne Kincade can’t out run his past on his Harley Davidson, though he tried. He’s been a knock-about biker since the end of WWII. The problem is someone’s setting him up for a murder rap, a young woman with hair the color of mink is starting to get under his skin, and that’s the last thing he needs.

Faith in the Shadows by Sadie and Sophie Cuffe

The purple splotched birthmark on her cheek brands Alice Wainwright a spinster. When a gentleman courts her, Alice jumps into a loveless engagement to a braggart in desperate need of cash.

His groom, Hawk, knows Joshua’s dirty secrets but, as a blind war veteran, he has few choices. His employer’s threats make it clear he’ll be on the street if he breathes a word of the truth to Alice.

Can Alice and Hawk face the truth about themselves and each other before they’re torn apart?

Perfect on Paper by Patty Froese

Anne Stanborough, a well known mystery writer, inherits her maiden aunt’s book store, Perfect on Paper. The lawyer handling her aunt’s estate is none other than the handsome Jake Harrison, but despite his attraction to the beautiful author, his painful divorce has made him wary of a marriage between two driven professionals. A love story from the past tugs this couple back together again, but will it be enough to prove that a love founded in God really can overcome anything?

 

The Family Way by Michelle Levigne

Lisa thought she walked into her marriage with her eyes wide open, aware of the hard task of getting the approval of her cold, domineering father-in-law. When she discovered she was pregnant, she thought she would finally be accepted, but Todd’s reaction to the news was the last thing she expected: “Is it mine?”

Where did being a ‘good Christian wife’ end, and the need to protect her sanity and her baby begin?

 

 Lost then Found by Christina Freeburn

A murder destroyed the marriage of skip-tracers Renee and Jonas Knight. Will the threat of another bring them back together?

Intimacy rating: warm

 

 

 

Led Astray by Christina Freeburn

When a murderer targets key players in a mining war, skip-tracer Danita Ballinger and Pastor Riley Coole put aside their differences to protect those relying on them. Will seeing each other in a new light put them on a path of acceptance and love, or tear apart a fragile community and their own hearts?

 

 

 

 Give Us This Day by June Foster

When Jess Colton asks Jesus into his life, he gives up alcohol but replaces it with a food addiction. The three-hundred pound man is baffled when the beautiful Holly Harrison declares her affection.

Holly Harrison lives with the results of an ungodly past. Only God has the power to restore a hopeless food addict to good health and teach a young woman how to forgive herself, opening the door for an unlikely romance.

Intimacy rating: warm

Serial Games by K. Victoria Chase

FBI profiler Maggie Weston has a reputation for identifying the most gruesome of killers. But her reputation is put on the line when US Marshal Brandon Worth walks into her office with news the one case that haunted her the most, John Michael Burrows, has escaped federal custody. Brandon needs her help.While insecurities and bitterness threaten a budding relationship between Maggie and Brandon, an elusive killer terrorizes a small Virginia county with a game he plans on winning.

Intimacy rating: warm

Danger at the Door by Michelle Sutton

Upon her fiancé’s death, Laney became a recluse who only left her home for emergencies. When she tries to move on from her grief, it leads to an unlikely friendship. with an attractive man, Bojan, who speaks little English. Every time she leaves her house something bad happens, confirming that she is safer at home. Can Bojan convince Laney she’ll be safe with him, or will his presence put her in further danger? Will he be able to protect the woman he loves before it’s too late?

Intimacy rating: sweet/warm

In Sheep’s Clothing by Michelle Sutton

When entrepreneur Stephanie Miller meets successful accountant Jacob Wells, sparks fly, but at least they’re the good kind. Unfortunately they’ve both had bad luck with love in the past, but this time God is part of their relationship. So what could go wrong with a match made in heaven? For one, Stephanie launches a business with a new friend without telling Jacob about it. Oh, and that friend just happens to be someone Jacob used to date; someone who wants to break them up for her own nefarious reasons. Will Stephanie listen to her new best friend, or will she listen to her heart?

Intimacy rating: sweet/warm

Joy Restored by Jude Urbanski

When Seth Orbin wades through rain and lightning to rescue Kate and her kids, who love being stranded at Seth’s mountain cabin, Kate and Seth sidestep a surprising attraction, but they also have a spiritual gulf. He longs for Kate’s parched faith to heal, while she’s convinced he’s deluding himself with ideas of peace. This is a story of faith, and joy restored.

 

 

When Shadows Fall by Tina Pinson

The Civil War rages, and Rebekah fights to keep her world intact. Loss and sorrow seeps into her heart. Her sights on Oregon, she prays New Eden will be a place of peace for her and her son. A refuge. She travels to Missouri to start her journey and is denied the opportunity to join the train. Matthew battles his way through the war thinking of Rebekah, planning to help her west. He fears his biggest battle lies ahead. Will Rebekah open up her heart and allow him to be the one to hold her When the Shadows Fall?

 

Special Blessing for Sara by June Bryon Belfie

Sara Wilson lives alone with her cat in Danville, a small town in central Pennsylvania. She counsels women from a Christian perspective, but her own life is in turmoil. Sara was still suffering from a broken relationship when she begins dating a fellow counselor and teacher by the name of Ken, who lives in nearby Bloomsburg. Then a new youth pastor, who she assists at her church, makes it obvious he is interested in her. A third man shows up from her past. Her sisters tease her about her suitors, but only one will win her heart.

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